I just need to lock in

Shit’s fucked, so I decided to reflect on a few things and take some notes to remind myself of the advice my GOAT mentor’s been giving me throughout the years.

Ouroboros

I’m thinking, but I’m thinking the same old recycled thoughts, because I haven’t acquired new data. That’s why my current condition can only be fixed through more action. You only learn more through interaction, by poking at different things and seeing what happens. If you just observe you never get to see the potential impact you could have.

I’ve more or less had the same objectives for the past 3-4 years, yet I haven’t made any noticeable progress towards them. Lack of action will do that to you, I have to try everything I can imagine and try it often and log it all and make frequent improvements and test ideas. I have to test my environment, test the world.

The void

The trials feel like nothing I do has any impact but that’s because of my haphazardous testing. To properly try something you have to go in with an idea of what you’re gonna do, execute that, and then come back to reflect and properly log every variable at play and how they were affected by your actions. Without doing that you really can’t tell what had an impact and what didn’t.

Yields

Currently it feels like only actively chasing goals yields any kind of output from the world, even though it seems to work passively for others. As soon as I’m not spending all my time trying to get a certain thing the little results I was experiencing, totally dissapear, as if I had never tried. I think this might be a reflection of how amateur I am at life.

Gratitude

There’s no one that can give you what you want, you have to take it. It’s bittersweet since you know no one in this world can help you, but at the same time you know that every single thing you achieve will truly be yours, you know that every second of every day you’re reaping the rewards of your work, you’ll have the right to hold your middle finger to any person that dares to question your skill. There’s nothing to be grateful for but the health condition that allows you to get to work. (I’m just yapping this section is an emotional response, I have many people to thank for what I have/am today.)

Reframing reality

None of your thoughts and feelings are real nor do they matter, they have no impact on the world. Think about this for a second (how ironic), if they actually mattered, imagine all of the thoughts you’ve had and how it hasn’t had any impact ever! Think about how messy the world would be if everyone’s thoughts were affecting it! Only actions matter. What you say, what you do. Never think or converse about anything other than action, unless you’re trying to waste time. What can you do? It should be the only question on your mind, to any kind of problem. What can you do? What can you do? What can you do? What can you do? What can you do? What can you do? What can you do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

Mentorship

The only thing keeping me going right now, is looking back through email exchanges I’ve had with someone I deeply respect.

Email excerpts

“Above all, don’t let Belgium lull you to sleep. You’re young, smart, and patient… if you play your cards right, you could quickly find yourself in a coworking space in the States, working on coding projects by day and playing guitar in the evening. Find online programs that teach you the basics (there are free and paid ones), and as soon as you can, sign up on freelance websites. You can offer services for small, basic coding jobs, but at least it will help you learn. Little by little, you’ll progress and be able to work on more complex things.”

“Don’t let yourself be fooled by your semblance of comfort and the rhythm you see around you. x, y, z they no longer have to build their life, so don’t let yourself get sucked into that rhythm.
As for you, everything is still possible. You could end up like many, doing what life has forced them to do due to a lack of options in Brussels, OR you could find yourself anywhere in the world living your best life and doing what you love! It all boils down to the choices you’re going to make, the business/job you’ll choose, the people you’ll associate with, the places you’ll go, etc…”

“I know it’s the cliché phrase that older people say, but I’m discovering for myself (just as you will later) that it’s true: Time flies! In the blink of an eye, you’ll be 30, and if today you don’t channel your motivation properly and make the right choices (or make no choices at all, just letting yourself be blown by the Brussels wind, going wherever it decides to take you), you’ll wake up one day and realize that not much has changed since, and you’ll find yourself at the same crossroads, having to make the same decisions, manage the same emotions that you couldn’t deal with 10 years earlier. There’s no escaping this, you can at most delay it… but in the end, if you want to live well (not just survive on unemployment benefits/CPAS/lame jobs like H&M), at some point you’ll have to man up and get out of your comfort zone.”